Crock Pot Meatballs in Tomato Sauce

I like good old fashioned meatballs.  I do not like the fat.  Here is my two-day recipe for meatballs and sauce.  Don't be scared; it takes two days so you can skim the fat.  The work is short.

Ground beef, extra lean (about 1.5 pounds)
1 pound extra lean pork
1 pound white meat ground turkey 
Turkey Italian Sausage (about 1.5 pounds)
2 teaspoons oregano
1 cup oatmeal
1 cup grated parmesan
1 tsp. garlic powder
3 eggs
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper

Beat the eggs a little in a large bowl.  Add everything else.  Gently use your hands to thoroughly mix it all together. Now get some friends (I use handy children) and start rolling the meatballs.  Again, be gentle or they will be tough.  You can make any size; I like them slightly smaller than a ping pong ball.  As you make them, place them on a tray covered with foil or wax paper.  Pile them high, they're going in the crockpot anyway!

In a 6 quart crockpot, place:
28 oz. petite diced tomatoes
28 oz. tomato sauce
4 cloves of garlic, crushed.

Place the meatballs into this sauce.  They will be piled higher than the sauce; no problem.  Cook on low for 6 hours.  When they are done, take the lid off and let them cool 30 minutes or so.  Take out as many meatballs as you want for dinner tomorrow to refrigerate, and place the rest in freezer containers.  (They should be cool enough to touch before you put them in the freezer).

Ladle the sauce into a glass bowl or large measuring cup, cover and refrigerate overnight.

About 30 minutes before serving time, skim the fat off the top of the sauce and discard.  Place the remaining sauce into a large pot.  Add:

2-28 oz cans tomato sauce
1/2 cup red wine

Bring to a boil over medium heat, and gently return the meatballs to the pan to heat.  Cook 20 minutes, reducing heat to "simmer" when the pot returns to a boil.

Meanwhile, finely chop:
3 Tablespoons fresh basil

Stir in the basil when the cooking time is up and remove from heat.  Decant about 2/3 of the sauce into your freezer containers, depending on "saucy" you like your pasta.  Freeze remaining sauce once cooled.

[I will add the photo tomorrow!]

Fit Fall Friday: Tips, Tricks and Inspiration!

Welcome to November!  Are you ready for some tips, tricks and inspiration?

Today's tip is based on a saying:  "Fail to plan and plan to fail!"  Try spending some time this weekend planning all your meals for next week.  I am now making use of Google calendar to plan my menus so I can have our favorite meals repeat in two weeks, three weeks or a month.    I note the calorie count/Weight Watcher points on the menu so I don't have to re-do the math each time.

Fat-free Salad Dressings are a trick and can actually sabotage your quest to a healthier you!   According to Fooducate, those dressings are mostly water and chemicals and that little bit of fat in your dressing will help you absorb all those great vitamins in your salad!  Read more here.

Today's inspiration is coming from you!   Think of a time when you were doing well on your weight loss journey and re-read a few journal entries or blogs from back then.  What was different then from now?  Let me know what you find and I will do the same! 

Have a wonderful "fit fall" weekend!

Hopping off the Crazy Maker

Do you know what drives me crazy?

People who give me unsolicited weight loss advice like, "Just cut back on starchy foods" or "You probably aren't getting enough exercise," or my all time favorite, "It's just calories in, calories out."

Duh.

Come on people, I am a weight-loss expert!!   I have devoted years of my life to the study of weight loss:  What helps, what hurts, what can get in the way.  Am I getting enough sleep?  How's my balance of carbs to protien?  What role does blood sugar play?  How much exercise is "enough?"  What can I do to speed up my metabolism?  Etc., etc., etc. 

If it were simple, we'd all be skinny.  I know this because I was skinny most of my life and I did not earn it.  It came naturally to me then as apparently, being fat now comes naturally.  I know there are skinny people out there who work at it every day, but I have to say, their numbers are few. 

I would like to set the record straight on this one thing:  I think you'd be hard pressed to find many adults who consistently eat as healthfully as I do.  I am a very healthy eater.  And I get a lot of exercise, usually far more than my recommended 30 minutes per day.  And aside from that, I am about ten times healthier than I ever was when I was skinny.  I joke that when I was a skinny single girl, I lived on Frosted Flakes and Blue Bell Ice Cream.  And it is not that far from the truth. 

I know people just mean well.  I do know that.  And I am truly grateful that people care about my well being.  But if you really want to help me, please come over and go for a walk with me, or watch my kids while I swim, or come to my house for supper instead of suggesting a restaurant.  Because I am not going to be trying your Paleo diet or your Eat Clean diet or your Dukan diet.  I am going to stick to my regimen of healthy foods and exercise and I am going to trust that if I keep fighting, I will eventually prevail. 

(By the way, if you are newer to this process than I am and you would like to know about the considerable research on any of these points, give me a shout!)

Tips, Tricks and Friday inspiration

Today's inspiration comes from a cool blog on celebrating the small things.

I'm constantly inspired by my dear hubby, who is maintaining his 70 pound loss since May.  Recently we talked about how much fat you really need and found this great article to advise us.

On a personal front, my parents have just arrived with their RV for a visit of several weeks.  Traditionally, I throw my health plans out the window when we have guests but I am going to do things differently this time.     I don't want to see a six-week setback so I am committed to staying the course.  Here is what I commit to:

Log all my food
Get 3000+ calories of exercise each week (log it!)
Post a weekly check-in each week after weighing in.

The day of my check-in post may change as I accommodate sight seeing -- but I will weigh in and post each week. 

That's it for today folks.  Happy weekend!

Note:  Can one of my faithful readers please let me know if these links don't work for you?  I'm not sure if SparkPeople works without logging in!

Light-bulb Moment

Lately I have been struggling with my weight loss.  Weight Watchers, says that 90% of plateaus aren't caused by metabolic problems or "water weight"  90% of plateaus are caused by lessened effort.  I am sure that is true of me -- sometimes I wait too long to eat and then just grab whatever is fastest, within reason, of course.  But I knew that I have not been lax often enough to account for this long plateau. 

I mentioned this to my support partner, along with my contention that it was my emotional state causing the plateau.  He placed a question mark over this assertion.  How would that work?, he wondered. He was very quiet and subtle about it, but I ended our call on Thursday with that question mark hanging over my head where the light-bulb  is now.

So . . . back to the drawing board I go.  I recalculated my BMI - Body Mass Index -- (yep, still overweight) and my BMR - Basal Metabolic Rate -- based on today.  Then I calculated my desired BMI and my BMR at my goal weight.  Looks like my goal weight (165) is a good one -- that will put my BMI at 23.  I will probably never be a 20 again, 145 will just seem too skinny on my 5'11" frame. 

There are lots of good calculators for these two things, but I quite enjoy doing the math myself.  I use the SparkPeople guidelines for this.  If you are curious as to what the math looks like, my calculations are below.  I just copied them off my virtual sticky note, so they are a bit cryptic.

Surprise!  It turns out that at goal, my BMR will be around 1400 calories/day.  And right now, it's around 1600.  My guidelines have been to eat 1200-1400 calories and burn 2000 with exercise. So I am eating too much and not exercising enough.  If I can bump my exercise up to 3000-4000 calories a week, I can lose 1 to 2 pounds a week.  At my current rate, I can only lose about 1/2 to 3/4 pound a week.  Of course it is really not only simple math; weight is impacted by more than calories in, calories out.  But those things (metabolism, medicines, etc.) actually have a relatively small impact, percentage wise.  I am going to bet on these numbers and start tomorrow by planning where the time for all that extra exercise is going to come from!

If you are struggling as I was, maybe it's time to get out the pencil and slide rule and go for your own light-bulb moment.  But as for me, it's time to turn off the light-bulb and go to bed!

BMI/BMR Calc  Now v. Goal, 10/2/2010
Multiply height in inches by 2.54 to convert inches to centimeters. (180.34) 1.8 meter
Divide weight in pounds by 2.2 to convert pounds into kilograms. (95)

Divide weight in kg by height in meters squared to find BMI
w/(h*h)=bmi (current 29, goal 23)
h*h*bmi=w  (goal 145-165)

Female BMR = 655 + (9.6 x weight in kg.) + (1.8 x height in cm.) – (4.7 x age in years)
=655+(9.6 x 95) + (1.8 * 180.34) - (4.7 * 51)
= 655+912+324.612 - 239.7
= 1651.912 (current) [w/ 2000 cals exercise 1938)

w/4000 cals/wk ex = 2223.34

at Goal:
=655+(9.6*75) + 324-239.7
=655+720+324-239.7
1459.3/day (bmr at goal)

assuming 2000 cal ex a week, [2000+(1459.3 * 7)]/7 = 1745/day (bmr w/ ex)

As I write, the smell of Swiss Steak slowly simmering in the crock pot is wafting through the house. I have been on a cooking jag. In the past 3 days, I have cooked $600 worth of food and put it in the freezer for my family.
Cooking is my creative outlet -- some folks paint, I cook! Of course, it's not just about me. I really want to know what my loved ones are putting in their mouths.

It's not only that I wonder what price we will eventually pay for all these chemical cocktails we consume, but also because of how that manufactured food affects our brains. We are created to respond to the most striking impetus so that we can pay attention to what truly matters and thus prioritize that the mammoth or saber-toothed tigers chasing us is more urgent than how absolutely beautiful the sunrise is. Food manufacturers trade on that impulse by using chemicals to create extra-palatable foods and before we know it, we're hooked. They cry out to us, "pay attention" and unless we are very disciplined, we do. In addition, highly processed -- aka manufactured -- foods speed through our digestive system, so our "full" sensors don't go off and we keep eating long after we've consumed enough calories. With processed foods being such a major part of most contemporary Western diets, our mind-body connection is in imminent peril.

Processed foods and fast food were not part of my childhood and as a young adult, I did not realize the dangers. I did not know that a steady diet of these foods would skew my sensory perceptions of food. I don't want my girls or my young foster kids to be hooked on these food substitutes. I reason that if I am able to keep them mostly off the road of manufactured foods, maybe it won't become a super-highway. Maybe if they aware of the dangers, as I was not, they will choose a more wholesome and health-some route.

I also want them to have the joy of eating! I want them to know the crispness of fresh vegetables and the depth of flavor in olive oil. I want them to have to chew their steak and to know the natural sweetness of milk and of bread. I want them to have the sense of "enough" that I had as a youngster. But more, I want them to know the joy of anticipation, of smelling a meal for an hour as it is prepared, and to enjoy its unfolding at the table. I want them to have "slow food;" food that is lovingly and thoughtfully created and then enjoyed with conversation and reflection.

So I cook. And with seven people currently in the house, I cook . . . and cook some more. And in the process of creation, I find that I am re-created. Cooking is a sensual experience. The fragrance of fresh herbs and sauteing vegetables is intoxicating. Chopping and mincing is meditative - it nurtures in me some ancient inner longing. Tending a pot of simmering, thickening sauce is prayer. As each dish is parceled, wrapped and frozen, it is filled not only with a short list of whole foods (every ingredient of which I can pronounce and identify), but also with hope and with love. It's me, being faithful.

The point of all this is to inspire you, dear reader, to this week be faithful. Do whatever it is that makes the most of you -- that nurtures your inner longing -- that fulfills and sews together whatever is becoming fragmented in you. It doesn't matter if a masterpiece is created or merely table scraps. What is truly created endures -- regardless of how long the artifact lasts.

PS - Just in case you want to know, here's what I created this week (all in 8 portions per package):

3 Pasta e Fagioli Soup
3 Marinated Flank Steak
3 Flank Steak Fajitas with Artichoke Chick-Pea Hummus, Sweet and Spicy Salsa, and Steak-Sauce
4 Chicken Cacciatore
4 Taco meat
4 Sausage gravy (occasional special breakfast for the kids)
Everta's Sourdough Starter for pancakes, biscuits and breads
4 Red Beans, Cajun style
3 Nancy Lee's Chicken Pie
4 Swiss Steak
3 Refried Beans
Molases Cookie dough - enough for 12 dozen

To these I just add some fresh veggies, fresh fruit and memories! Mangia, mangia!

Saving Dinner (and Myself)

At first glance, this is not going to look like a weight loss blog! And I suppose, on the face of it, it's not. It is about meeting two main objectives in my journey: 1) Giving my kids a good start in nutritional health (aka helping them avoid the addictions and dangers of highly processed foods). Instead of corn syrup, fillers and preservatives, they are getting intact foods like fruits, vegetables, brown rice, oats and whole-wheat flour.

(2)I am moving my own needs up the priority list so I'm not so distracted by feeding my large family that I just shove whatever I can find in my own pie-hole! A side benefit is that I'm not heating up my kitchen as much every day since the initial stage of cooking has been done already on all these foods!

Hence, I decided it was time to put some yummy home-made meals in the freezer. I took about a week to complete it all, but I did the bulk of the shopping and cooking in one 24 hour period with a lot of help from Chanelle (Allison was out of town at the time).

To put the sheer volume in proper perspective, Chanelle and I bought the majority of the ingredients at a warehouse club and it filled TWO carts and rang up a $550 bill! One of the carts was so heavy, it was exercise to push it! I estimate that by buying most of the ingredients in bulk, I saved 30% to 50% of the cost of producing each of these dishes individually.

Here are the results:

3 Meals of Shepherd's Pie
3 meals of Parsley Parmesan Chicken
24 cups of Spaghetti Sauce (about 6 meal's worth)






4 meals of Cheesy Taco Rice
3 batches of No-Bake Cookies
7 batches of Oatmeal Cookies
24 cups of Granola








6 meals of Mac and Cheese (bye, bye blue box)
12 cups of White Sauce (to go into the mac)
4 meals of Freezer Slaw



12 Breakfast Sandwiches (quickie breakfast for the girls for school)










4 meals of Pulled Pork
2 quarts of Barbeque Sauce
3 meals of Baked Ziti (not actually baked yet!)

Tips, Tricks and Friday inspiration

Today I need some inspiration, so I decided to assemble in one place some of my favorite tips and tricks. Maybe they will inspire you too! (The colored phrases are clickable links)

There are lots of useful reminders in Weight Watchers "25 Little Tips for Big Weight Loss"

The End of Overeating (Kessler). A fascinating story of what makes a craving tick and how "big food" is contributing by working hard to feed my cravings. I have started re-reading this book this week.

Here is a PBS Documentary, "Fat, What No One is Telling You." It's very thought provoking and full of news from research, but don't watch it if you're feeling hopeless. It's food for thought but not edited in an encouraging manner. Therefore, I'm recommending it with some reservations.

I have a favorite podcast - Fat 2 Fit Radio -- which segues perfectly with Spark. They have a good BMR (basal metabolic rate) calculator. I found instructions for calculating this in lots of places on the web, but the simplest way was to follow the instructions I found at Fat 2 Fit.

My commitment through the weekend is to review all these tools and to stop moping about. I'm healthy. I'm halfway to goal. It's within my control. Time to stop whinging and start fighting!

Top Ten Reasons to Dive in and SWIM!

I love swimming. I never thought I would. I loved it as a kid but as an adult --I felt clumsy and it seemed inconvenient. However, 18 months ago, I challenged myself to swim because I was trying to mix up my cardio. Holy cow! In a very short time, I was hooked! It's fun, it's efficient, it's cheap, it's cool.

Now I am on a mission to recruit more swimmers! Hence, my top 10 reasons to try swimming for your exercise.

NUMBER 10:
Showering is less trouble because you're already wet and have to dry off anyway

NUMBER 9:
You get to wear goggles

NUMBER 8:
With your head underwater, you can't hear the kids yelling (yours or anyone else's!)


NUMBER 7:
You have lots of meditative time to compose your next blog post

NUMBER 6:
You get over your issues about people knowing what your body looks like (face it -- they know anyway and, what's more, they DON'T CARE!)

NUMBER 5: It's cardio and strength training in one. AND it works your core.

NUMBER 4:
It's the one sport where having some body fat is an advantage (think buoyancy!)

NUMBER 3:
You don't sweat

NUMBER 2:
It lowers your core temperature and the effect lasts a couple of hours (helpful if you live in the sunbelt like I do!)

And the NUMBER 1 reason:
It burns a lot of calories/minute compared to other kinds of cardio!

Can't wait to hear how much you enjoy it!

Back in the Saddle Again

Spring has sprung. My heart is lifted. I don't know why it is but spring definitely puts a bounce in my step. So here in crazy-land, life is a little brighter. I'm back on the horse -- working my program, committed to exercise, keeping my health a high priority.

Our three little foster kids are settling in well. We are getting each other's "number" so to speak so we are all happier more of the time. I am finally getting enough sleep and everyone else is, too. I have figured out how to keep up with the housework better and even the laundry is (almost) caught up.

What this means to me now is that I can get back to regular exercise. Oh, fear not, I've been getting exercise, just not much cardio. Before the kids got here, my regular number of non-exercise steps per day was around 3500 on a "good" day. Now I am averaging 8500! They have an average weight of 25 pounds, and I carry someone around for over an hour a day. I also change 18 diapers a day, so that's 36 extra "lifts." That does not even factor in all the hauling of strollers up steps, running around the lawn, lifting people in and out of cribs and highchairs, etc. I now live in a physical world.

Partly as a result of the children being here and partly as a result of my weight loss, I feel 10 years younger. I am not only in my "goal outfit," it's big on me! My 2002 pants are very roomy. I have hung a new goal outfit in the front of my closet -- whoopee! I have not weighed on my "official" scale at the clinic since the kids got here but I will be weighing in next Wednesday. According to my home scale, I've lost 36 pounds. I think the scale is "heavy" but I'll go with that until my official weigh-in next week.

My commitment to myself for this week is to do 15 minutes of Wii Fit every day, and 15 minutes of gardening. I want to get that regular exercise back on the books and get in the habit of making that time for myself. I have been doing really well with giving myself "quiet time" every day so now I am shifting my focus to "active" time. Back in the saddle. It's a good seat.

Doors: Opening and Closing

Today's post is actually a link to my other blog, Bright Life Living! Thanks for reading!

Please Help me Make A Difference!

In 2007, my dear friend Martha Edgemon told me that her daughter-in-law, Karson Beaty, had breast cancer. Karson was 30 years old when diagnosed. I clearly remember the exact moment Martha said the word, "cancer." I remember how my heart felt heavy and I had a queasy feeling in my stomach. What can I do?," I wondered, "How can I help?"

As I followed Karson's journey over the next many months, her battle was never far from my mind. I barely passed science in school; creating my own cure is probably out of my reach. One day an online friend wrote me that she was doing a breast cancer walk. I realized that while medical science is not my forte, endurance certainly is. I started researching the walks and found one that seemed ideal for me, The Avon Walk. It covers 39 miles in two days and a Walk is held annually in Houston, only a 3-hour drive away. In Texas, that's close!

Last fall, it was finally time to begin my training and now my walk is only 77 days away. My training (at this stage) consists of a 13 mile walk Saturday followed by a 7 mile walk Sunday and a 3 and 5-mile walk through the week. 8 weeks from now I'll be logging 45 miles a week.

A lot of great things have happened to me in this training. I've lost 25 pounds. My legs are strong and my steps are sure. My family have become my support-team with Paul on foot at my side for the "long" walks and the girls on bikes. We are all doing this big thing together.

But the greatest thing is that I am making a difference. As a participant, I boldly agreed to raise $1800 in donations before the event. this money will help fund breast cancer research and screening for those who can't afford it. The research is what most thrills me, because, as my shirt says, I'm "In it to END it."

I'm dedicating my walk to Karson, who is still fighting her battle. I'm also walking for my mom's best friend, Joan, still fighting. And for Kathy A and Irene S. who won their battles, and for Mary Pearl and Paul's Grandma Florene, who not only won their battles but lived on to old age. And I'm walking especially for each person who will lose their battle to breast cancer every 14 minutes of every single day, every week of every month of every year -- until a cure is found. I'm walking so that should this disease ever touch either of my beautiful girls, their odds will be better.

Will you Help Me?

Every donation of any size will help me reach my goal, which in turn can change the future of this deadly disease.

• To use a credit card, click HERE!!
• To write a check or donate cash, please email me (dreena@gmail.com) for instructions.

Thank you so very much.

New Year, New Me!

I weighed in yesterday. Since November 13, I've lost 22 pounds and 9%. How about that? I am officially more than 25% of the way to my goal. I am going to see if I can find my old Weight Watcher cards to see how long it's been since I've been at this weight.

It was hard for me to choose the medically supervised program, even though my doctor felt it was my last sensible option. It felt like "giving up" -- and that is not something I do! And yet I saw that my doctor had reached the end of what he could do for me and he was sure that I would lose on these very low calories and he was right!

Since being in the group, I've had some realizations. As I've said before, despite being obese, my health was good. I like to say I was "perfect on the inside." However, I also know that obesity in me is a ticking time bomb -- sooner or later it would start to have serious consequences and some of them would perhaps be irreversible. In our group, nearly everyone has some serious health issues. I am grateful to have escaped them so far and grateful to have made this decision when I did. And I am even healthier now! My cholesterol is dropping and my knees hurt less. I have tons of energy. I am sleeping great.

Best of all, I'm done struggling. I am simply succeeding. And I do not regret one iota the difficulties of the last 5 years of working at weight loss. I have learned tons and I feel sure that all that information can someday help someone else. Thanks for caring about me -- the support means a lot.

Strong Start Day

Today is my "Strong Start Today." Today I begin the medically supervised weight loss program. I'm actually still quite surprised to find myself here. This is not where I thought my "looking at all the options" would land me! And I am very grateful for the way in which More to Life has trained me to be a more open-minded person. And very, VERY grateful to Margaret for going with me to the intro -- it made all the difference.

So here's the skinny (tee hee). I have committed to attend 13 weeks of classes with 2 or fewer absences. I have a minimum prescription of 5 shakes per day. In addition, I can supplement with their brand of "bars," their entrees, their hot cereal and chicken broth. I am not supposed to be hungry. Ever. If I am hungry, I am going to have another shake or an entree or something. It's called a "decision free" diet. Somehow, even though it's similar in calories to what I have been eating, it is promised to work. The benefit to following the program "to the letter" is that people who do so, lose almost twice as much weight in 19 weeks as people who "eat off program" in the early weeks. I am not concerned about my ability to eat only these things.

I'm committing to a few other things as well; to exercise at least 2000 calories per week; to log everything that goes into my mouth, and to make a mid-week phone call to my instructor. In addition, I am making a personal commitment to continue to provide appetizing and healthy food to the girls and for us to have our family evening meal.

Did I mention that Paul is on the plan with me? This was a surprising and touching development. When I went over the plan fundamentals with him, he said, "I think I will do it with you." He's such a great partner!

This is a significant financial commitment. I'm still adjusting to that. However, I have poured out a pretty big pile of cash the last three years doing it on my own. So it is what it is and maybe I will need a job! We'll see.

In other news, I enjoyed our family cruise on the beautiful Emerald Princess and managed to eat moderately. I neither gained nor lost weight so that is pretty great. Of course, we got tons of exercise, but most of the credit is due to me deciding not to have an entire week of "last suppers." I am really proud of myself for that.

Writing this, it sounds a little flat. I notice I am on my back about not being able to succeed on my own. I think the "crafty little sucker" has a hold of my brain. So just for you, dear reader, I will make one final commitment just for today. I promise to "root that sucker out," as my friend Sue says, so I can enjoy "strong start day!"

Ciao.

Visit to the Doctor

I saw my internist yesterday. There were a few surprises in the visit.

The first is that my average weight loss over the last several months is 1/2 pound a week. That's a pretty slow rate of loss. My thyroid level will be rechecked next week, but there is no reason to think it is not being well controlled by medication.

I am eating 1000-1200 calories a day; most days closer to 1,000. I'm exercising 6 hours a week. Dr. Fung thinks it would not be safe to eat less than 1000 calories a day, given my activity level. He does not think the issue is my thyroid. He thinks it is genetic history (all the women on my dad's side are very, very obese) and he said there is much that is not known about how genetics affect metabolism. It is clear that there is a link but much that is not known.

He said basically, I have two choices (in the "reasonable" arena, anyway).
1) Keep doing what I'm doing and realize it is going to take a long time. We are talking about 25 pound a year loss, IF I am really diligent about staying in this range. I wondered about increasing my exercise but as you know, that won't help a LOT because it is hard to burn calories with exercise. However, increased muscle does increase metabolism so it seems like at some point, my metabolism would heat up.

2) Go on a medically supervised diet where you are on all liquids for 6 weeks and then add in other foods they provide. It is an 800 cal/day diet but it is medically supervised so your blood is checked for ketones and things like that on a regular basis. I am going to go to the intro meeting just to make sure I have all the facts. As I understand it, you are not allowed to eat anything except the pre-pared food, so no fresh food at all. There is also a concern about how many foods they have to offer that do not contain onion or onion powder so I will research that at the meeting as well. There is a cost, obviously, which I think is about $200/ month.

Neither of these options make me do cart-wheeels. I think I need to make sure I have all the facts on the medically supervised program before deciding.

I am not still upset about this stuff. In some ways, it is confirming of my experience. It is helpful to have been tracking my calories and weighing and measuring so there is no doubt in my mind about my calorie intake. I did not expect there to be an easy answer. Right after my conversation with him I had some "not fair" thinkin which was hooked to my core belief that "Life is not fair." I know that is not true and have "unrooted" that belief and am now ready to make some decisions about how to proceed.

Since Dr. Fung is my third doctor in the last three years to work with me on my weight, I have concluded that medical science has done what it can, aside from option 2 above. I think what he said is accurate -- it "rings" of the truth. I am not willing to undergo surgery and weight loss drugs would not really help since I don't have an appetite issue ( I have not been hungry at all). I'm pretty anti-drug anyway.

That's what I know today. I hope to attend the "option 2" meeting in the next week and then think about how I want to proceed.

Data: Down another 2 pounds this week. Being sick probably had an impact so working to hold onto it and add to it this week!

I read lots of blogs by people who have always been chubby. And I often think genetics may have a big role to play in their struggles. However, that is not my story.

As a child I was stick thin. And as a teenager, the boys called me "toothpick" and told me not to turn sideways because they couldn't see me. I had few boyfriends. Older men liked me , unfortunately; I think it was the "Lolita" factor. As a young adult, I remained very trim, and people often commented on my self-control or said I ate like a bird. I had no self control and I did not eat like a bird. So to what do I attribute my thinness? Metabolism. I was a runner but I exercise twice as much now.

I had terrible eating habits. I had ice cream every day. A big portion too. My favorite breakfast was Frosted Flakes. I hated salad. My only real vegetable was tomatoes. I loved creamy soups, gravy, sauces, and starches of all kinds. Because I was "naturally" skinny, I could get away with it. Twice as a young adult I gained a little weight, both times it literally melted off me with the tiniest bit of intention and effort. I was a Weight Watchers poster child; I could dump 15 pounds in 6 weeks with a little point counting and exercise.

Then things changed. I began gaining weight and continued gaining a few pounds a year for about 10 years until I was 90 pounds overweight. And guess what -- I had no idea what to do about it. So over the last 4 years, I have become self-educated in the areas of nutrition, exercise and metabolism. I haven't gained any weight in about 3 years, and I have lost a little. It has at times been extremely frustrating. But I wouldn't change a minute of it. Because now I really know what it takes to make me tick. I know a lot about all the food groups, I can argue the merits and demerits of the food pyramid, I know how to calculate my bmr and what that has to do with weight. I understand metabolic changes that affect weight and know a lot about exercise, as well. I know about my blood chemistry and could write a book on the health risks of obesity.

Perhaps most importantly, I've learned what it means to stand in for myself; to keep advocating for myself; to trust that I will keep losing the weight little by little and to be constantly reminded that I do, in fact, matter. I recently realized my best friend has never known me thin -- and she loves me! Every time I have to say no to something "special" being offered at a celebration, I get to see that I matter. Every time I put on my shoes and hit the streets when I have a stack of laundry or work to do, I get it. I matter. I actually do. So I may still be fat, but inside, I'm singing. And I trust that this recent shift on the inside is going to be showing up on the outside one day soon.

Current Weight: 232.2
Weight Last Weigh In: 232.2
Weight loss since last week: 2/10ths of a pound
(yes, this is excrutiatingly slow!)

Eating Goals 4
Exercise 4
Motivation 5

Our Family 5K

I admit it. We're not race people. But today, with a little grumbling, I packed up the family (at 6:30 a.m!) and headed out for the CASA of Travis County 5K. I originally signed us up because it's such a great cause. But in the end, it was a great idea all around.

We joined up with a couple of friends from Marywood, our foster care agency. Our oldest daughter, Allison (13), ran the 5K with her dad while I walked near the end of the pack with another mom. Our 11-year-old, Chanelle, ran the kids 1 K. Since it was held after our race, we had the fun of cheering her on. When she crossed the finish line, she was all smiles. And she was even happier when she got interviewed for the local news!

CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) is an amazing group that makes life so much better for kids who are truly need it. So we were happy to support the cause. But the sense of solidarity and accomplishment we got as a family were priceless. Call me crazy, but I see more races in the future!

Surprises, set-backs, and Life!

Have you ever noticed that no matter how carefully you script and plan your life, someone ELSE seems to be in charge? Hmm. I will make the long story short;

Plan: Go to England, exercise a lot, eat little, come home, jump in with both feet.

Reality: Go to Idaho (mom sick), fix comfort food for her, eat moderately, exercise moderately, come home to REAL life (kids in school, sickness, household repairs, job issues).

Yes, it's been challenging. And yet I've managed to keep my calories at or under 1200 since returning home. But only this week have I gotten back to full-blown exercise. My cupboard is stocked, I'm not hungry and it's all going well. Cross your fingers!

Current Weight: 232.4
Weight Last Weigh In: 232.8
Weight loss since last week: 4/10ths of a pound

Eating Goals 5
Exercise 5
Motivation 5

I'm mad at myself, but no longer pouting. And to be fair to myself, unhappy as I was, I didn't EAT anything while I was mad. I gained BACK the pound I lost last week. Yep. Here are the stats:
Current Weight: 232.8
Weight Last Week: 231.8
Since last week: 1 pound gained

Eating 3
Exercise 5
Motivation 4

Total weight loss this RIVAS: 0 pounds

On Thursday and Friday last week, I did not keep to my eating goals. Both days I ate 300 extra calories, amounting to 1500 each day. On Friday, I got some insight from my support partner and course corrected. And then there was last night. I met a friend to exchange her child and we wound up eating at a chain restaurant. I was not planning to eat with her but it was well past dinnertime. I ordered a cheeseburger. No kidding. The night before my weigh in. It must have been full of salt too because my fingers, toes, ankles - all swollen up today. I'm sorry now. It was a painful lesson. I will take a look at the lifeshock in that moment of decision.

I am acknowledging myself for exercise, however. Last week I managed to get in 3.42 hours but I logged 5.5 this week! I have some sore muscles and sore knees but not as bad as I was worried it would be.

I am headed to England for a course on Monday. What this means is that I will not be able to report in as I don't expect to have computer access until I return at the end of the month. In the past while at these courses I have managed to get in three extra hours of exercise while away (not counting shopping or sight-seeing). I will be gone for ten days so I am going for 5 extra hours of intentional exercise in addition to group exercise, sight seeing, etc. I will of course also watch my calories and stay in my limit; busy and away from home this is usually not a difficulty for me. As long as I avoid tea houses! I'll carry vegetables and fruit onto the plane, as well.

Perspiration Inspiration

Okay, I admit it. I am having a heck of a time getting motivated to exercise. There are two things going on: the first is minor, I'm recovering from a cold. Today I feel fine, but for several days, I haven't. If I can get to the point of exercising even when I don't feel well, that will be a big break through.

Second, and this is the real issue, I just don't want to. It's in my head. Here are the "reasons" my mind makes up: It hurts, it takes too long, it takes even longer because I then have to take a shower.

It does often hurt. Chronic knee issues means most forms of exercise (all I've found, actually) hurt both during and afterward. I'm not exaggerating or being dramatic and it is very liberating to tell the truth about this. However, what I do also know -- and have had medically verified -- is that though it hurts, it isn't actually making my knees any worse. It's not damaging them, it just hurts. So it's a matter of being willing to hurt. This whole issue with my knees has presented a double-bind for some time; it hurts to exercise so I don't exercise but I need to exercise to effectively lose weight; I'm overweight and being overweight hurts my knees. You can see the conundrum.

I can overcome the other "reasons" not to exercise. It's the first one that trips me up. All of that said, to be fair, I do exercise, just not as much as I want to. I'm averaging 3 to 4 hours a week right now -- I want to at least double that. I read a great blog about exercise this week. The author points out that the real difference between skilled athletes and himself is that they don't cancel their practice to pay bills or catch a tv show. It's their job so it's their priority. I've said several times that my big job right now is getting this weight off. Time for me to put my money where my mouth is.

Here's my commitment. No more excuses. I am calendaring my exercise and I am doing it, every day. And I give myself permission to whine a bit about the pain for the first couple of weeks. Stay tuned!