Doors: Opening and Closing

Today's post is actually a link to my other blog, Bright Life Living! Thanks for reading!

Please Help me Make A Difference!

In 2007, my dear friend Martha Edgemon told me that her daughter-in-law, Karson Beaty, had breast cancer. Karson was 30 years old when diagnosed. I clearly remember the exact moment Martha said the word, "cancer." I remember how my heart felt heavy and I had a queasy feeling in my stomach. What can I do?," I wondered, "How can I help?"

As I followed Karson's journey over the next many months, her battle was never far from my mind. I barely passed science in school; creating my own cure is probably out of my reach. One day an online friend wrote me that she was doing a breast cancer walk. I realized that while medical science is not my forte, endurance certainly is. I started researching the walks and found one that seemed ideal for me, The Avon Walk. It covers 39 miles in two days and a Walk is held annually in Houston, only a 3-hour drive away. In Texas, that's close!

Last fall, it was finally time to begin my training and now my walk is only 77 days away. My training (at this stage) consists of a 13 mile walk Saturday followed by a 7 mile walk Sunday and a 3 and 5-mile walk through the week. 8 weeks from now I'll be logging 45 miles a week.

A lot of great things have happened to me in this training. I've lost 25 pounds. My legs are strong and my steps are sure. My family have become my support-team with Paul on foot at my side for the "long" walks and the girls on bikes. We are all doing this big thing together.

But the greatest thing is that I am making a difference. As a participant, I boldly agreed to raise $1800 in donations before the event. this money will help fund breast cancer research and screening for those who can't afford it. The research is what most thrills me, because, as my shirt says, I'm "In it to END it."

I'm dedicating my walk to Karson, who is still fighting her battle. I'm also walking for my mom's best friend, Joan, still fighting. And for Kathy A and Irene S. who won their battles, and for Mary Pearl and Paul's Grandma Florene, who not only won their battles but lived on to old age. And I'm walking especially for each person who will lose their battle to breast cancer every 14 minutes of every single day, every week of every month of every year -- until a cure is found. I'm walking so that should this disease ever touch either of my beautiful girls, their odds will be better.

Will you Help Me?

Every donation of any size will help me reach my goal, which in turn can change the future of this deadly disease.

• To use a credit card, click HERE!!
• To write a check or donate cash, please email me (dreena@gmail.com) for instructions.

Thank you so very much.

New Year, New Me!

I weighed in yesterday. Since November 13, I've lost 22 pounds and 9%. How about that? I am officially more than 25% of the way to my goal. I am going to see if I can find my old Weight Watcher cards to see how long it's been since I've been at this weight.

It was hard for me to choose the medically supervised program, even though my doctor felt it was my last sensible option. It felt like "giving up" -- and that is not something I do! And yet I saw that my doctor had reached the end of what he could do for me and he was sure that I would lose on these very low calories and he was right!

Since being in the group, I've had some realizations. As I've said before, despite being obese, my health was good. I like to say I was "perfect on the inside." However, I also know that obesity in me is a ticking time bomb -- sooner or later it would start to have serious consequences and some of them would perhaps be irreversible. In our group, nearly everyone has some serious health issues. I am grateful to have escaped them so far and grateful to have made this decision when I did. And I am even healthier now! My cholesterol is dropping and my knees hurt less. I have tons of energy. I am sleeping great.

Best of all, I'm done struggling. I am simply succeeding. And I do not regret one iota the difficulties of the last 5 years of working at weight loss. I have learned tons and I feel sure that all that information can someday help someone else. Thanks for caring about me -- the support means a lot.

Strong Start Day

Today is my "Strong Start Today." Today I begin the medically supervised weight loss program. I'm actually still quite surprised to find myself here. This is not where I thought my "looking at all the options" would land me! And I am very grateful for the way in which More to Life has trained me to be a more open-minded person. And very, VERY grateful to Margaret for going with me to the intro -- it made all the difference.

So here's the skinny (tee hee). I have committed to attend 13 weeks of classes with 2 or fewer absences. I have a minimum prescription of 5 shakes per day. In addition, I can supplement with their brand of "bars," their entrees, their hot cereal and chicken broth. I am not supposed to be hungry. Ever. If I am hungry, I am going to have another shake or an entree or something. It's called a "decision free" diet. Somehow, even though it's similar in calories to what I have been eating, it is promised to work. The benefit to following the program "to the letter" is that people who do so, lose almost twice as much weight in 19 weeks as people who "eat off program" in the early weeks. I am not concerned about my ability to eat only these things.

I'm committing to a few other things as well; to exercise at least 2000 calories per week; to log everything that goes into my mouth, and to make a mid-week phone call to my instructor. In addition, I am making a personal commitment to continue to provide appetizing and healthy food to the girls and for us to have our family evening meal.

Did I mention that Paul is on the plan with me? This was a surprising and touching development. When I went over the plan fundamentals with him, he said, "I think I will do it with you." He's such a great partner!

This is a significant financial commitment. I'm still adjusting to that. However, I have poured out a pretty big pile of cash the last three years doing it on my own. So it is what it is and maybe I will need a job! We'll see.

In other news, I enjoyed our family cruise on the beautiful Emerald Princess and managed to eat moderately. I neither gained nor lost weight so that is pretty great. Of course, we got tons of exercise, but most of the credit is due to me deciding not to have an entire week of "last suppers." I am really proud of myself for that.

Writing this, it sounds a little flat. I notice I am on my back about not being able to succeed on my own. I think the "crafty little sucker" has a hold of my brain. So just for you, dear reader, I will make one final commitment just for today. I promise to "root that sucker out," as my friend Sue says, so I can enjoy "strong start day!"

Ciao.

Visit to the Doctor

I saw my internist yesterday. There were a few surprises in the visit.

The first is that my average weight loss over the last several months is 1/2 pound a week. That's a pretty slow rate of loss. My thyroid level will be rechecked next week, but there is no reason to think it is not being well controlled by medication.

I am eating 1000-1200 calories a day; most days closer to 1,000. I'm exercising 6 hours a week. Dr. Fung thinks it would not be safe to eat less than 1000 calories a day, given my activity level. He does not think the issue is my thyroid. He thinks it is genetic history (all the women on my dad's side are very, very obese) and he said there is much that is not known about how genetics affect metabolism. It is clear that there is a link but much that is not known.

He said basically, I have two choices (in the "reasonable" arena, anyway).
1) Keep doing what I'm doing and realize it is going to take a long time. We are talking about 25 pound a year loss, IF I am really diligent about staying in this range. I wondered about increasing my exercise but as you know, that won't help a LOT because it is hard to burn calories with exercise. However, increased muscle does increase metabolism so it seems like at some point, my metabolism would heat up.

2) Go on a medically supervised diet where you are on all liquids for 6 weeks and then add in other foods they provide. It is an 800 cal/day diet but it is medically supervised so your blood is checked for ketones and things like that on a regular basis. I am going to go to the intro meeting just to make sure I have all the facts. As I understand it, you are not allowed to eat anything except the pre-pared food, so no fresh food at all. There is also a concern about how many foods they have to offer that do not contain onion or onion powder so I will research that at the meeting as well. There is a cost, obviously, which I think is about $200/ month.

Neither of these options make me do cart-wheeels. I think I need to make sure I have all the facts on the medically supervised program before deciding.

I am not still upset about this stuff. In some ways, it is confirming of my experience. It is helpful to have been tracking my calories and weighing and measuring so there is no doubt in my mind about my calorie intake. I did not expect there to be an easy answer. Right after my conversation with him I had some "not fair" thinkin which was hooked to my core belief that "Life is not fair." I know that is not true and have "unrooted" that belief and am now ready to make some decisions about how to proceed.

Since Dr. Fung is my third doctor in the last three years to work with me on my weight, I have concluded that medical science has done what it can, aside from option 2 above. I think what he said is accurate -- it "rings" of the truth. I am not willing to undergo surgery and weight loss drugs would not really help since I don't have an appetite issue ( I have not been hungry at all). I'm pretty anti-drug anyway.

That's what I know today. I hope to attend the "option 2" meeting in the next week and then think about how I want to proceed.

Data: Down another 2 pounds this week. Being sick probably had an impact so working to hold onto it and add to it this week!

I read lots of blogs by people who have always been chubby. And I often think genetics may have a big role to play in their struggles. However, that is not my story.

As a child I was stick thin. And as a teenager, the boys called me "toothpick" and told me not to turn sideways because they couldn't see me. I had few boyfriends. Older men liked me , unfortunately; I think it was the "Lolita" factor. As a young adult, I remained very trim, and people often commented on my self-control or said I ate like a bird. I had no self control and I did not eat like a bird. So to what do I attribute my thinness? Metabolism. I was a runner but I exercise twice as much now.

I had terrible eating habits. I had ice cream every day. A big portion too. My favorite breakfast was Frosted Flakes. I hated salad. My only real vegetable was tomatoes. I loved creamy soups, gravy, sauces, and starches of all kinds. Because I was "naturally" skinny, I could get away with it. Twice as a young adult I gained a little weight, both times it literally melted off me with the tiniest bit of intention and effort. I was a Weight Watchers poster child; I could dump 15 pounds in 6 weeks with a little point counting and exercise.

Then things changed. I began gaining weight and continued gaining a few pounds a year for about 10 years until I was 90 pounds overweight. And guess what -- I had no idea what to do about it. So over the last 4 years, I have become self-educated in the areas of nutrition, exercise and metabolism. I haven't gained any weight in about 3 years, and I have lost a little. It has at times been extremely frustrating. But I wouldn't change a minute of it. Because now I really know what it takes to make me tick. I know a lot about all the food groups, I can argue the merits and demerits of the food pyramid, I know how to calculate my bmr and what that has to do with weight. I understand metabolic changes that affect weight and know a lot about exercise, as well. I know about my blood chemistry and could write a book on the health risks of obesity.

Perhaps most importantly, I've learned what it means to stand in for myself; to keep advocating for myself; to trust that I will keep losing the weight little by little and to be constantly reminded that I do, in fact, matter. I recently realized my best friend has never known me thin -- and she loves me! Every time I have to say no to something "special" being offered at a celebration, I get to see that I matter. Every time I put on my shoes and hit the streets when I have a stack of laundry or work to do, I get it. I matter. I actually do. So I may still be fat, but inside, I'm singing. And I trust that this recent shift on the inside is going to be showing up on the outside one day soon.

Current Weight: 232.2
Weight Last Weigh In: 232.2
Weight loss since last week: 2/10ths of a pound
(yes, this is excrutiatingly slow!)

Eating Goals 4
Exercise 4
Motivation 5

Our Family 5K

I admit it. We're not race people. But today, with a little grumbling, I packed up the family (at 6:30 a.m!) and headed out for the CASA of Travis County 5K. I originally signed us up because it's such a great cause. But in the end, it was a great idea all around.

We joined up with a couple of friends from Marywood, our foster care agency. Our oldest daughter, Allison (13), ran the 5K with her dad while I walked near the end of the pack with another mom. Our 11-year-old, Chanelle, ran the kids 1 K. Since it was held after our race, we had the fun of cheering her on. When she crossed the finish line, she was all smiles. And she was even happier when she got interviewed for the local news!

CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) is an amazing group that makes life so much better for kids who are truly need it. So we were happy to support the cause. But the sense of solidarity and accomplishment we got as a family were priceless. Call me crazy, but I see more races in the future!