I'm mad at myself, but no longer pouting. And to be fair to myself, unhappy as I was, I didn't EAT anything while I was mad. I gained BACK the pound I lost last week. Yep. Here are the stats:
Current Weight: 232.8
Weight Last Week: 231.8
Since last week: 1 pound gained

Eating 3
Exercise 5
Motivation 4

Total weight loss this RIVAS: 0 pounds

On Thursday and Friday last week, I did not keep to my eating goals. Both days I ate 300 extra calories, amounting to 1500 each day. On Friday, I got some insight from my support partner and course corrected. And then there was last night. I met a friend to exchange her child and we wound up eating at a chain restaurant. I was not planning to eat with her but it was well past dinnertime. I ordered a cheeseburger. No kidding. The night before my weigh in. It must have been full of salt too because my fingers, toes, ankles - all swollen up today. I'm sorry now. It was a painful lesson. I will take a look at the lifeshock in that moment of decision.

I am acknowledging myself for exercise, however. Last week I managed to get in 3.42 hours but I logged 5.5 this week! I have some sore muscles and sore knees but not as bad as I was worried it would be.

I am headed to England for a course on Monday. What this means is that I will not be able to report in as I don't expect to have computer access until I return at the end of the month. In the past while at these courses I have managed to get in three extra hours of exercise while away (not counting shopping or sight-seeing). I will be gone for ten days so I am going for 5 extra hours of intentional exercise in addition to group exercise, sight seeing, etc. I will of course also watch my calories and stay in my limit; busy and away from home this is usually not a difficulty for me. As long as I avoid tea houses! I'll carry vegetables and fruit onto the plane, as well.

Perspiration Inspiration

Okay, I admit it. I am having a heck of a time getting motivated to exercise. There are two things going on: the first is minor, I'm recovering from a cold. Today I feel fine, but for several days, I haven't. If I can get to the point of exercising even when I don't feel well, that will be a big break through.

Second, and this is the real issue, I just don't want to. It's in my head. Here are the "reasons" my mind makes up: It hurts, it takes too long, it takes even longer because I then have to take a shower.

It does often hurt. Chronic knee issues means most forms of exercise (all I've found, actually) hurt both during and afterward. I'm not exaggerating or being dramatic and it is very liberating to tell the truth about this. However, what I do also know -- and have had medically verified -- is that though it hurts, it isn't actually making my knees any worse. It's not damaging them, it just hurts. So it's a matter of being willing to hurt. This whole issue with my knees has presented a double-bind for some time; it hurts to exercise so I don't exercise but I need to exercise to effectively lose weight; I'm overweight and being overweight hurts my knees. You can see the conundrum.

I can overcome the other "reasons" not to exercise. It's the first one that trips me up. All of that said, to be fair, I do exercise, just not as much as I want to. I'm averaging 3 to 4 hours a week right now -- I want to at least double that. I read a great blog about exercise this week. The author points out that the real difference between skilled athletes and himself is that they don't cancel their practice to pay bills or catch a tv show. It's their job so it's their priority. I've said several times that my big job right now is getting this weight off. Time for me to put my money where my mouth is.

Here's my commitment. No more excuses. I am calendaring my exercise and I am doing it, every day. And I give myself permission to whine a bit about the pain for the first couple of weeks. Stay tuned!

Weekly Check In

Without further ado, here is my weekly check-in:

Current Weight: 231.8
Weight Last Week: 232.8
Weight loss since last week: 1 pound to the penny

On a scale of 1 to 5 with "5" being perfect, here's how I rate my week:

Eating 4
Exercise 4
Motivation 4

I struggled some this week. My theme for the week is: Patterns. When do I want to overeat? What is going on around me? Who is around me? What am I feeling in my body?

On one notable evening I ate not one, but TWO bowls of cold cereal. All while my 11 year-old was howling over some upset with my husband. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the connection.

My exercise issue was simple: pain. I am working through various aches and pains of new workouts and fell out of willingness for a couple of days. I'm back in now.

My creative exercise opportunity for the week was: Water running with resistance.

I put on my medieval looking ankle resistance devices and hit the neighborhood pool with Chanelle for an hour. It only hurt the first few minutes - something valuable to remember.

I am reading a new book, The End of Overeating, by David Kessler, MD. I've read several reviews on this book about the science of how our brains and our bodies contribute to the desire to overeat. I will let you know what I think later!

In the last few years, I have acquired a lot of "book learnin" about nutrition, exercise and certainly weight loss. Even so, I read tons of nutrition news every week and found 7 Keys to Weight Loos by Johns Hopkins pretty useful. None of these tips were news to me but I find being reminded about what I know can often motivate me and help me stay on track.

#7 is a good one: "Emphasize What You Can Eat, Not What You Can’t." Earlier this year, I had an epiphany. I've spent actual years thinking "I can't eat this," "I can't eat that." Yet, I love food; I love cooking it and eating it. I love watching others eat it. What if I tuned in on foods that are the most supportive of me and ate those? Perhaps more importantly, what if I shifted my focus to the foods I choose to eat rather than focusing on the "shouldn'ts?"

I made a list of foods I want to eat every day or every week, and those I will still eat, but occasionally or rarely. Then I ran the whole list through Nutrition Data to see if I could stay within my calorie range and get reasonably good nutritional balance. Guess what? I can. And do. These are my foods. I love them. And when my diet is comprised of my personal "super foods," I don't often miss the stuff on the "occasional" or "rarely" lists. I think this is partly because I'm full and also because I really like what I'm eating.

There is a downside. My family does get tired of these foods; they're not as naturally amenable to "food ruts" as I am. So I quite often cook them "regular" food but serve myself from the list. And slowly but surely, they are falling in love with these foods too. Pumpkin, bell peppers, blueberries, avocados, yogurt and chickpeas (in the form of hummus) are getting pretty tough to keep around.

In case you want to try it yourself, here are my top ten foods that I eat daily or several times a week:

Sweet Potatoes or pumpkin and red bell peppers
Lean meats (especially chicken, tuna and fish) and eggs
Healthy oils, including olive oil and avocados
Blueberries (as well as bananas and apples)
Leafy greens (now mostly spinach and "field greens; but in the spring lots of collard greens)
Brown rice
Oats
Walnuts (or almonds)
Beans, particularly black beans, split peas and chick peas
Lowfat/Nonfat yogurt or milk

Let me know how it goes for you!