Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I can't help but notice I've not been posting that much in this space. There's "an elephant in the room" and I'm trying to avoid talking about it. Pretending it isn't there isn't working, so . . . here goes!

Back in the winter when I posted about building my "box," there was something I didn't say. About that time, I'd had a revelation that my overweight was tied to sin and then, later, that it was about rebellion and vulnerability. This was a progressive revelation that I came to understand more fully over a period of weeks.

As often is the case with me, seeing the root cause of my issue set me into a flurry of rebellious activity.  I had a couple of weeks of strong commitment and actual progress followed by several weeks of off-and-on compliance followed by days of sticking my head in the sand. It has gotten so bad that on Sunday as I was standing in my closet, I actually convinced myself that trying to lose weight was pointless and that because my health risks are low I should just accept that this is my weight and learn to live with it.

Fortunately a half hour later I was sitting in church in front of a priest I'd never met (and still haven't) and he somehow brought the whole issue full circle back to sin. He said, "The devil is real and has a trick and I'm going to let you in on his secret. Satan's big trick is planting a seed of doubt." I immediately realized that I had experienced that very thing in my closet epiphany. At this point I realized it wasn't an epiphany at all, but in fact the opposite.

It strikes me as really funny that the opposite of "epiphany" is secret. What do you do if you want to keep something secret? You keep it in the closet! So "closet epiphany" is a bit of an oxymoron, don't you think?

The revelation was pounded home last night by, of all people, Jillian Michaels as I watched Biggest Loser. "This is unacceptable," she screamed at the contestants. "You have this amazing opportunity and you are just phoning it in."

And there you have it. I'm "phoning it in." So I am going to stop writing now, plan my calories for the day, look at how I can get in my exercise and get off my bottom.  How about you?

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